Sadness in savasana

Lying in savasana,  at the end of a fast-paced Led Primary, I visualized myself lying on my late-husband’s death bed. This image is not unfamiliar to me. I have often revisited his death as the one who was dying. Today was different, however. There was no one at my bedside holding my hand; I was all alone.

Every other time I have visited this scene, I have been surrounded by loved ones (reasons to rage against the dying of the light). What could it mean to have nobody at my side during my last breath? Was this my destiny? It didn’t feel good. It felt lonely without love. This was an add contrast to the reality of my true existence (being in a room filled with my Ashtanga yoga community). And yet…

I could not hold back the tears.